Just like the age old question:

“What came first, the chicken or the egg?”

Are you kidding me? All I had to do was BUY it?

I’m at a point in my life where my self-confidence is ok, but still a work in progress. I’m 45 and I’m still loaded with self-doubts. As a kid, I had such shoddy self-esteem. At 14 I decided to change. I decided the time had come to build up that self-esteem. And I did it in a way I thought was totally logical: by teaching myself to ride a unicycle.

Makes sense right? It helped. In a way. I started feeling better about myself because I could do something most people couldn’t. I went from a scrawny kid hiding in the shadows to a scrawny kid yelling “Look at me! Look at me!”

The problem was that it wasn’t enough so I started collecting challenges most people cringed or would never dare attempt. The logic was that if I could do those things then I must be somebody. It had to work. I was determined to make it work! I had to improve my sense of self.

Oh the stuff I did!

And then I turned 45. I’m telling you, something happened to me. All my life I was the brat, the new kid on the block, the endless teenager, the delinquent… You get the picture. People kept telling me “Oh, by the time you hit 20, you’ll change…” And I laughed my way through my early 20s! Then that became “Oh, by the time you hit 25, you’ll change…” And I laughed my way through my late 20s! Then that became “Oh, by the time you hit 30, you’ll change…” And I laughed my way through my early 30s! Then that became “Oh, by the time you hit 35, you’ll change…” And again I laughed, and so on.

You get the picture.

But then it hit home. I came crashing into that magical 45 and sensed a sudden urgency to repeat that trick of teaching myself to ride a unicycle by joining the San Diego Derby Dolls. Is this another means to improve my self-confidence?

My key struggles on skates are:

  1. Cross-over turns on the banked track;
  2. Transition toe-stops;
  3. Jumps (don’t even get me going on those nasty jumps!)

And when I look at these 3 problem areas I know with certainty the only thing keeping me from succeeding is SELF-CONFIDENCE! Sorry for yelling. I needed to get that off my chest. Thanks for tolerating my irrational behavior, and yes, I’m feeling better now.

So, I ask you this:

Do we do these challenging activities to increase our self-esteem or do we absolutely NEED healthy and solid self-esteem in order to do these zany-whacked-out things? Now do you understand why I started with that chicken or the egg bit?

Which comes first – the self esteem or the challenges?